I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize