Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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