Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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