My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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