he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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