Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
