Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
