idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
