well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
