I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
