How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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