why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
