don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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