so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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