He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
