paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
