We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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