I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Text me some of your sweat
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
