He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
