I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
