Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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