Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
