I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
