you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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