what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
