you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
