worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
