My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
