The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That's intense
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
