I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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