He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
