just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
These tits shall not be calmed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
