You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
