Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
