wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
