My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
