Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
