Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
