Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
