I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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