The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
