Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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