The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
