Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
