nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
did i walk over a car last night?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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