Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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