Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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