You're so nebulous sometimes
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
