I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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