can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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