Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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