Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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