yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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