He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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