I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
