Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
