Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
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There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
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Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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