this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
