got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
