Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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