Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
