i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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