I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
