Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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