im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
