dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
