is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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