did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
